In November of 2011 I decided to go back to South Africa for a couple of months. I had a few important family events that I wanted to attend. And missed my family, my country and frankly missed the “real” world, as I like to call it, a bit too.
Two weeks into my stay I was still in shock, actually four weeks into my stay I was still in shock. I was so surprised at society, how utterly material and ego driven it was. People seemed to spend all their time upholding some sort of image. What they wore, where they ate, who their friends were and what they did. All these things seemed to count a whole lot in the “real” world.
One of the many unique things about Fairfield is that it strongly pulls people towards it that want to evolve as human beings, who want to explore the deeper layers of themselves and life. Often conversation would revolve around this topic. Most people here are open to looking at themselves and life and seeing what needs changing and how they can do that. And it is the perfect place for that, since it is safe, emotionally safe. People will take you for whom you are, they will look into your eyes when they speak to you and love you. This love that permeates everything here makes you feel safe to open yourself up emotionally, to drop all the walls and guards and to be. All the time and energy you spend building your ego in the “real” world you can now spend on building your “inner” world.
I felt open, emotional and exposed in regular society. I had grown enough to be able to see the charade, but not enough to be free from it. I was back in the world working and living and still felt the need to be apart of it. I was torn in two.
Some tears were shed, some new clothes were bought and a lot of attitude adjustment took place. At the same time that I was having this realisation about how superficial life is I also accepted that I wanted to live and function in it comfortably. I needed some time to integrate. It was okay to enjoy life and all its superficiality, as long as you stayed connected and aware of that which underlies it all. To know that there is a difference between the small self and the big Self and that everything that existed was still an expression of God even my own individuality and tastes.
Through this experience I also got a glimpse of what it is that I wanted from my life. Where I wanted to go as a person and where I definitely didn’t want to go. I realised how important investing in more growth would be, since I would like to be able to stand in any place with comfort yet be aware of the Truth.
After a few months I realised that I had reached that comfort and that it was time to return to my little haven of growth, Fairfield. On the 27th of March 2012 I was on a flight from Johannesburg heading for Atlanta. It felt good, I felt ready, and I felt balanced and stable within myself. I was ready to take on another round of uncovering my Self.
Lucky for me I could return to something I had lost temporarily, Fairfield and its community. And now I can appreciate it with even more sweetness and richness.
Love. Peace & Play